Monday, February 2, 2009

Dream on, dream away...

It was very real.

I was sitting at the KL Sentral train station waiting for a train back to Shah Alam. I was wearing a black trousers and white shirt with its sleeves rolled to my elbow. I was beaten up, tired and worn up. It was not a bad day at work, it’s a usual day. I had my torn briefcase, the next day court file and my black handbag from which my jacket hung loosely. I feel horrible, so I must have look equally horrible too.

It was five minutes to 8 pm and people are getting restless. They have announced that a train has accidentally fallen off track and, as such, there are limited coaches available for all the commuters. Some left the station but I have no other way getting back to Shah Alam.

A train comes, commuters start chasing after it, they were pushing each other and some even retaliates violently. Instead of chasing the train, I decide to remain seated and wait for the next train. I am exhausted, use up for the day. I have no energy whatsoever to get to that train. A very pregnant lady come and took a vacant seat next to mine. She started babbling and I just nod, trying to be nice while my head starts to spin. She said she had been commuting for more than ten years now. She’s an auditor in KL but she stays in Bangi. The salary is good and it pays for her dream house. She had a car but she cannot beat the traffics. By this time, my head was spinning uncontrollably.

I was thinking. I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to settle down in KL. I want to have more time with my family when I’m married. If I get back at 10 pm, my kids would already asleep and on the next day, I’ll go to work so early, that they might not wake up yet. And looking at her, she looks like she’s ready to deliver any time now and I don’t want to deliver my baby in a train station though my child would have a free passes for his whole life. Besides, what would I name him? Mohd Komuterizman? Sheesh.

Suddenly I thought, eh, I’m already married, I’m not in KL, and I’m in Kuantan. I’m with Gen, Adam, Hannah and Nadia. Then I wake up. It was just a dream but also a real one. It really happens five years ago. It’s like one part of my brain store this image for me and replays it back in my dream. Weird huh?

Actually I’ve been missing my life and friends back in KL. I wonder why I came back to Kuantan, to a meager salary when I could have made more in KL. More money to splurge, yes, but my subconscious mind is playing back one particular scene which make me change my mind.

It’s like a little pat on my back. I am reminded gently of the things that I really hate back in KL. I had made my decision and even if I had to choose again, I would choose this life, again and again.

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