Arm

I have been thinking about him a lot lately. Gen bumped into him a few weeks back in Pekan. His whole family was there. There was Inka, his beautiful wife. Gen got to meet their son and daughter plus Arm’s in-laws, Inka’s parents. They were attending Blue’s wedding. Apparently Blue did not invite us. Me and Gen.

Inka and Blue has been dating seriously back in Shah. While Arm and Blue were best friends. I had this huge crush on Arm since Form 4 and even Gen knew about it. Somehow after school, I manage to get close to Arm, and of course Blue and Inka as well because they were always together.

Then there were college. Arm and Inka went to a same college. I was offered an A-Level course which I accepted happily while Blue went to a matrix. We were all offered scholarship so we cannot just swapped places as we pleased. We still went out together, the four of us. We have late night bus trips to-fro Kuantan for holidays and I wrote letters to Arm. The usual, I like him but I cannot tell him that I like him but maybe I can make him tell me that he like me kind of stuff. LOL. Pretty shallow stuff. Our relationship is more like erm… imagine me holding a tiny daffodil or a love-me-nots flower in hand, I am going… “loves me… loves me not… loves me… loves me not… loves me… loves me not”.

Actually, the more I think about it the more I am convinced that Arm never really like me. Maybe he was amused by me, no less. However, Gen did read through Arm’s letter (he said I did not hide it or put it somewhere safe if I don’t want him to read it, duh) and he thought Arm genuinely likes me and stuff like that so then; he always refers Arm as my ex.

After a while, Blue was kicked out of the matrix. He was having a hard time or maybe he was just being a duckhead, truthfully some things never change. Blue stops hanging out with us. Slowly Arm’s letters and late night calls stop coming in as well. Imagine me holding that daffodil again. Somehow once he call or write again, I will always leap on my feet and put my hopes up high again. Until…

Until I bumped into Inka in the doorway of my hostel. It was the end of the semester. She comes with Arm (Arm waited outside but I didn't bother to see him) to take Arm’s younger sister and her stuff back to Kuantan (She’s my junior and they have to clear their room for the year-end semester break and we do talk to each other and once she told me that she don’t like Inka because she always hang out at their house and I am secretly pleased-my bad).

It was not a pleasant conversation with Inka and I cannot recall her or my exact word. It was a few days before the A-Level exam and I was really upset. I went to Joy’s room and cried my heart out. It was something like, Inka knew about our letters but she is with Arm now and I should keep my hand off her guy or something like that. How should I feel? Arm ditched both me and Blue and starts going out with his best friend’s girlfriend! The truth is, they deserve each other.

Though I don’t want to know about them, friends keep me posted about them. I know that Arm furthered his studies overseas and Inka ditched college to follow him there. They were married in 2004. Now Gen is telling me that they are both working at the same place. I figure out that it would not be hard to anticipate that. We had our life sorted out and we were just not meant for each other.

Okay, when I said sorted out, I mean the story did not end there. I was crying in Joy’s room and she ran out of words to console me and she was really worried because we will have our big exam in a few days time. Her boyfriend (now hubby), Neil was Gen’s unimates. So, I’m not shocked when Gen come to visit me the next day.

I was still sulking but I went out with him because I was really starving. We went to the famous maple and talk. We have been hanging out together with some other friends and he knows that I liked Arm but he was cool with being my friend. His exact words to me were, ‘tak pe lah kalau (Arm) tak nak. Nih, aku ni, aku nak…’ At that moment I cannot believe he said that to me. After the heart-wrenching incident, the last thing that I would want is to embark on another relationship, a rebound. I thought he was joking but he was dead serious. He said he really liked me and he kept his mouth shut because he knew I liked Arm so much.

Well, I’m not done sulking, yet. He’s an inconsiderate guy! I felt like snapping at him. But, I cannot actually tell him off because I might loose a very good friend. I ask him to give me some time and I’m not ready yet, yada-yada stuff. Gen was very patience. Eventually I accepted him because it was easy to love him.

But today, while writing this, I’m thinking, it must be really hard for Gen if he really likes me when I keep talking on and on about Arm. Gen is a considerate guy after all. Maybe he blurted it out to make me feel better or seeing an ‘open space’ he cannot keep it as a secret anymore. Gosh, this really is a long entry.

Okay, other that the fact that Gen bumped into him, the reason that I write this all down is because our friend posted Gen’s old pic in FB. It was back in Shah when I had nada feelings for him. When I look at the pic closely, I was really shocked to discover that it was Arm standing at the back (the one in white shirt). Hehe. Clearly Gen was far more handsome than Arm back then. Well, life really works in a mysterious way.

And Gen, I really love you for all the above and much more. You are my incosiderately-considerate-whatever guy. Happy Five Years together.

My Blonde Moment

My car broke down after driving about 3 km from home this morning. The car suddenly slows down even after I keep on slamming on the gas pedal. Immediately before the u-turn, I signaled left (other drivers start honking, so I put on the emergency light) and stop at the roadside. Immediately after I slam on the brake pedal, the engine went dead. I tried to re-start the car but to no avail.

I am surprised that I’m really calm the whole time and called Gen. Actually I was wondering whether I should call him or not because I have been giving him cold shoulder treatment since Sunday because he told me that he’s leaving us for four days 9-12 April, 2009 to be exact because he’s a marshal for the Pahang 4x4 Tournament in Sungai Lembing. I promise to update on that later.

After 2 minutes thinking, I decide to call him thinking that I might as well burden him with my car problem. So, I told him the car wouldn’t start and inform him my location. Then I called Adam’s teacher because Adam will be late. Adam was also calm maybe because I act normal. Obviously he had heard my conversation with Gen and Teacher Nurul.

Adam: Kenapa Mama? Kereta rosak? (Pelat)
Mama: Iya lah, rosak pulak. Kita ni dalam kesusahan.
Adam: Mama telefon Wonderpet tak?

(Then we start singing, telefon, telefon berbunyi… Mama dan Adam dalam kesusahan… LOL.)

It took Gen half an hour to arrive at the crime scene and he immediately tried to start the car. Still cannot start. He opened the bonnet (is it called bonnet? Sorry, smaller scale blonde moment) look here and there still cannot start. Then he gets in the car and try to start it again and suddenly he asked, ‘ni ada minyak tak ni?’. Gas? OMY! Totally a blonde moment for me, I forgot to fill in the gas. I remember it had been blinking red since… OMY OMG… last Wednesday! Gen brought his friend along to check on the car and the friend cannot hide his amusement and start laughing out loud.

I was too busy contemplating the cold shoulder treatment to Gen that I forgot to fill in the gas. You see, I have to plan to come home at certain time, make sure I’m in the toilet showering every time he’s back from work, not cooking (just porridge for Nadia and Hannah and nuggets for Adam), let the house in mess (he cleaned up the house on Monday) plus practice a perfect frown when he asks question and the list is so long.

My mind is preoccupied!

Gen

First time I saw Gen…
In my class, he’s a new student just got transferred from another school.

My first impression towards him…
He’s control macho kind of guy. Snobbish kot? He always appeared loss in class though actually he’s very smart. Truthfully, I never have thought that I’ll marry him 11 years later!

How we become friends…
We became friends because of the curly-red-haired Mamat. Back then I don’t have any guy friends and Mamat and Gen were among my first guy friends. Yes I admit it that I’m very shy. LOL. Knowing Gen, he was a reserved guy while Mamat was loud and talkative and despite him being very annoying and irritating most of the time, we became fast friends, good friends.

How we clicked…
When I studied A Level in Cheras, he studied in Jalan Semarak. I wrote him a letter (not a big thingy as I also write to bunch of our friends) and told him I’m in KL, then one day he just showed up in my hostel.

How we spend time together…
Both me and Gen hang out together a lot, we have our routine, we watched movies every Wednesday, we shared roti john at Dataran Merdeka every Saturday night during the pasar malam, we watched life bands there, I cheered for him in soccer game, I’m thankful to him as he took me away from Ateh’s wedding as I was crying I’m-loosing-my-sister-to-her-husband. I laugh at him when he overslept in the bus that he has to walk all the way from Pandan Indah to my hostel to get his motorbike. I cried for him during his play (not because of his acting but mainly because it must be embarrassing acting as a g*yboy!!).

When he asked me to be his girlfriend…
After Arms dumped me for another girl in his college (who happen to be our ex-schoolmate and Arms’ best friend’s girlfriend. Yikes! Our life just revolves around each other). Please bear in mind that I’m only 19 and I thought it’s the end of the world, or at least my world-lah.

How I reacted to that…
Mainly speechless? Stammered?

How he reacted to my reaction?
He disappeared for three weeks.

When did I accept the title as his girlfriend?
After he was mad (practically yelling) at me for match-making him with another friend and his words finally got stuck inside my head.

Gen as a boyfriend…
Reliable. When I’m with him I feel safe, I don’t have to worry about what to wear, where to eat or what movie to watch. It’s like going out with a good friend. And at one time he caught me wearing a same shirt for two nights in a row when we went out for dinner. LOL. And another time he caught me wearing the same shirt that Acedie have wore the night before. LOEL. I can sing Ella’s song at the top of my (sore) lungs in his car and he can simply ignore me. Gosh! I still cannot believe I do that. He’s love-able.

The most painful experience with him…
When we broke up. Mainly because I don’t want to be engaged to him. Well, actually I want to… and it’s not like I cannot make up my mind. I don’t want to be engaged for unspecified period of time. I have seen how my cousin annuls his engagement of four years only because they grew bitter apart and how it affected both families. At that time, he’s furthering his study while I’ve already working.

How he asked me to marry him?
We were outside my rented house in Shah Alam. We were waiting for Acedie at the pavement when he suddenly said “Mak aku kata ok kalau kita nak kawin” and I was like “Whaaaaaaaat?” Yes we are still calling each other aku-engkau instead of saya-awak or some other endearments. Totally unromantic!! I simply told him “Nak ajak anak orang kawen, ajak la betul-betul”. He laughed out loud and then he squat (not kneed) on the pavement, holding my hands in his hands and say “Sudi tak kau jadi permaisuri hidup aku?” Well…