Love Hurts

Tau tak? If you love someone wholeheartedly, then you just might die once that person leaves you. Hehehe. Not that I experienced it but let’s just say, I had an opportunity to feel 1% of that feeling and if I feel another 99%, it will surely kills me. Ok. I was madly in love back in 2003. As for his identity, let it be a secret la. Maybe you know him, but then, maybe you don’t. Let just call him, Kay. He’s my plain Kay with nothing to his name other than his second hand 153 Kancil.
The Introduction:

We first met while working. Kay’s a government staff and is one year younger than me and I have to be nice to him to make my work easier. When he starts asking for my phone number, I’m being hostile to him. This is mainly because my heart skips a beat every time I hear his voice. So, my brain, irritated by my heart’s reaction to him, makes me act indifferently to him. I don’t know… I cannot explain it. I can still hear he call me “awak…” Then I just fall for him. Hard. He’s good in understanding what I want, maybe that gives him an advantage over my boyfriend, Gen. Actually by 2003, I’ve been steadily dating Gen for five years. Kay knows about Gen but he didn’t urge me to leave Gen. Maybe he’s not threatened by Gen’s existence.

The General Rule:

But there’s always a catch. It’s a general rule that you cannot get everything that you want, when you want it. Despite having a great time with him, I guess I always know that our relationship is not going anywhere. I know there will come a time when we have to say goodbye.

The Crying Game:

That’s the main reason why I have two boyfriends at one time and I didn’t break up with Gen. Gen is a husband material kind of guy, with him I feel safe and yup, bored. With Kay, I’m always on edge, my heart always beat faster. I’m happier and I smiled a lot. I take chances with life; I gamble… doing things that scared me the most and have a blast of good time.I make use of every moment spend with him to the fullest. It only makes me love him more. But on his side, I couldn’t tell. I think he’s genuinely in love with me. As for Gen, I don’t think he noticed or even suspect that I’m dating Kay behind his back.

The Glitch:

Then I have to attend to some personal matters and leave Kay for almost three months. We contacted each other while we are away but then, we just fall apart. I called him when I got back; just thinking we can start again where we first stop. Things are not the same. He’s not answering my calls, then out of nowhere he just told me that he’s dating somebody else. Just like that.

The Break-up:

This is always the hardest part. Actually that other girl calls me on his behalf. Or otherwise I must have called him on his hand phone and the girl pick it up; I couldn’t remember how it starts. She sounded so much like our mutual friend that at first I thought he’s just playing around and try get back to me for leaving him for three months. But then, our argument just got overheated and I finally realize that the girl is actually telling me the truth and that they are together and that I better keep my hands off her boyfriend. Etc

The Aftermath:

I hang up the phone nicely and I think I even thank her for telling me the truth… After that I cried my heart out. After that I’m ok. Even my roommate and Gen didn’t know what happened. I just wish that everybody that I love don’t have to experience this.

The Lesson:

I loved Kay, his view of life, he changed me a lot, and he teaches me that there are no boundaries in life, the only boundaries is what we imposed to ourselves. We can fly and fall, but afraid to fly for feared of falling is a waste. With him I soared, even when I fall, I fall smiling happily experiencing the great feeling of flying. With him, I’m free, I’m me.

And somehow, things that don’t kill me will only makes me stronger.