Let Go

I hear his voice again yesterday.I thought I’d be calm but instead my rage boiled without apparent reason. I saw flashes of that painful memory and his voice just make me feel like I’m reliving that moment again. Hatred is such a strong feeling. Overwhelming my being. I should let go. His sms-es are still inside my inbox. I’m deleting them today, but still I have to write it somewhere so that I will not forget why I hate him so much.

Him: Smalam kata nak hntar lala ktaman?Knapa pula hri ni hntar ksini?
Me: Ikut cakap Benyah
Him: Knapa smalm hntr blik kg x ikut ckp bengah?
Me: Ana minta maaf
Him: (Saya) fikir Ana hnya nak ssah n hukum bengah je
Me: Ana minta maaf

I have mixed feeling when I write this down. I remember I was crying when I sms him back. I am willing to swallow my pride and ask for forgiveness even when I strongly believe I’m right. It was very frustrating when I have all the answers to his accusations but I cannot let it out. I cannot be rude, I cannot answer him, I cannot shout and scream at the top of my lungs at him.

I should let go before this hatred eats me alive.